In the days before shows like Raw & SmackDown!

brought pay-per-view quality matches to television viewers on a weekly basis, the majority of sports-entertainment programs consisted of what were known as "preliminary matches." They served as warmups for any matches the established Superstar was preparing for. Longtime fans remember that these matches featured well-known, successful Superstars against "preliminary wrestlers" -bottom-of-the-ladder competitors who, try as thy might were never able to win.

Among those who filled this thankless role, there were few as determined or beloved as Frank Williams. In the late 1970s and early '80s, Williams could be seen on countless WWE television programs going down in defeat to some of the greatest names this sport has ever seen. Rumored to have been a distant relative of one of our own senior staff writers, he is best known for his appearance as a guest on Piper's Pit, where he was called to task by "Rowdy" Roddy Piper for never having won a match. Williams not only defended his important role with valor that night, but he also suffered a tremendous beating from Hot Rod, taking his punishment with the pride of someone who understood his purpose in this business like few others ever have.

We wondered what one of these preliminary matches might be like if they happened today. Our idea was to take one of today's most dominating powerhouses-Kane-and match him up with a noted prelim guy of yore. Many names were discussed as Kane's prospective opponents, among them such luminaries as Iron Mike Sharpe, Barry O, Jose Luis Rivera, Barry Horowitz, Ron Shaw and Rick McGraw. Bur there was one man everyone could agree on-Frank Williams. And so we present this month's fantasy squash match.

Frank Williams

Strengths
Not many. Having never won a match, Williams offered very little in the way of offense, or defense for that matter. Nevertheless, he was known for his unflagging determination and courage, which helped him continue on all those years, losing match after match, but always giving his all. As he told Piper, "I may not win much, but I always try real hard."

Weaknesses
Many. Opponents seemed able to target Williams' weaknesses with ease and exploit them at will. His clubbing forearms were known for their almost complete and total ineffectiveness. He possessed the physique of a middle-aged auto mechanic. He lacked speed and agility, and displayed a knowledge of wrestling fundamentals that was depressing at best.

Key Wins
None. 

Key Losses
Since all of Williams' matches resulted in losses, it's quite a challenge to determine which of them were "key." His first match at Madison Square Garden took place in 1976 against a young Ric Flair, who dismantled him with ease during a brief early stint in WWE. His other MSG appearances include a loss to the similarly young and untested Roddy Piper in 1979, a defeat that same year at the hands of Alan Coage (later known as Bad News Brown), and a 1980 battle royal appearance in which he was the first man eliminated.

The majority of Williams' losses took place on weekly TV shows like Championship Wrestling and All-American Wrestling. He once teamed with Iron Mike Sharpe in a spectacularly failed attempt to take the Tag Team Championship from Tony Atlas & Rocky Johnson, and was even pinned by NWA World Champion Harley Race in a rare interpromotional matchup.

Finishing Move(s)
Had he ever won a match, we might have been able to witness the elusive Frank Williams finisher. But alas, the world may never know for sure what it was, since he never got to use it.

Strategy
Against someone like Kane, Williams would be best advised to bring a weapon of some sort. Either that, or run away as fast as possible.

KANE

Strengths
Few Superstars in WWE history have possessed the power combined with the ability to wield it with such brutal and relentless precision as Kane. When he unleashes the pure fury of his tortured soul, there is no one who can withstand it. He also is surprisingly quick and dexterous for a man of his immense size. The intimidation factor is a major component of his attack-quite few adversaries are psychologically beaten long before the opening bell.

Weaknesses
A competitor wrought of the almost supernatural stuff that comprises Kane has virtually no weaknesses to speak of. Some have speculated that his mask might hamper his peripheral vision, but this seems like grasping at straws. If anything, Kane has never displayed much technical skill-but then, he's never had to.

Key Wins
Kane is a former WWE Champion, having defeated Stone Cold Steve Austin in a First Blood match at the 1998 King of the Ring. He beat Triple H for the Intercontinental Title in 2001, and also pinned Chris Jericho for that same championship last year. Early in his WWE tenure, he scored decisive wins over Mankind and Vader, and more recently crushed Kurt Angle (though Angle got the win) at Wrestlemania X8.

Key Losses
In his most disappointing defeat, Kane lost his one and only WWE Championship back to Stone Cold the day after he won it. His loss to Undertaker at Wrestlemania XIV also comes to mind, but it's worth noting that it took a series of tombstone piledrivers to get the job done.

Finishing Move(s)
The vicious catastrophic Chokeslam from Hell is Kane's finisher of choice. One of the most devastating maneuvers in the game, the chokeslam involves lifting an opponent off the mat by the throat and slamming him down with extreme force. And when you stand nearly seven feet tall like Kane does, the impact can be disastrous to one's body and career.

Strategy
Kane probably wouldn't have to worry much about strategy in this one. Just stepping through the ropes would probably make up more than half the match. He would, however, have two choices presented to him: whether to toy with Williams, dragging on the contest for the fun of it before the inevitable end game; or propel all his irresistible might at Williams in one swift, explosive burst of aggression.

Final Analysis
Our advice would be not to head for the refrigerator or the bathroom during this match. For that matter, you might not even want to blink. Williams' old school approach might be new to Kane but Williams' total lack of anything to back it up with would nullify that advantage. Look for this match to wrap up somewhere under the 20-second mark, in a blinding flash of brutality. All the underdog support the endearing ham-and-egger received in his day wouldn't matter against the force of nature that is Kane. Within moments, Williams' entire wrestling arsenal would be exhausted before Kane even broke a sweat. The chokeslam would put him out of his misery, leaving it to the paramedics to clear the ring of the debris that once was Frank Williams. For Kane, a brief tune-up for his next big match. For Williams, just another day at the office.

straight to the top

~* Articles Index *~

~* Main Squeeze *~